New “Teaser Summary” for The Built-in Smile

So, I’ve been re-working the query letter I’m sending to agents and that includes the “teaser summary” part of the letter. Here is the new version:

The appointment–as head of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration–seemed like a step backward to most of his hardcore military buddies. But, when hundreds of bottlenose dolphins beached themselves in Galveston, Texas, former Navy SEAL and retired Rear Admiral Lawrence Collins knew he was well-positioned–well-positioned to protect the top secret sonar project that he saw as the potential cause of the tragedy and that he valued as a lasting tribute to his dead son.

Fresh off testifying at a Congressional hearing where she debunked her ex-lover’s claims of dolphin mortalities linked to human causes, Dr. Angela Clarke, NOAA’s by-the-book US National Director for Marine Mammal Health and Stranding, is ordered to personally investigate the unprecedented dolphin catastrophe. Once in Texas, she struggles with the failure of her beloved methodical investigative approach and the seemingly anomalous discovery of a minute, metallic cylinder in one of the carcasses.

When hundreds of more animals hit the beach in Virginia and an unusually large group of dolphins is spotted massing in the waters of Tampa Bay, Dr. Clarke confronts not only the shadowy maneuvering of Rear Admiral Collins, but the conspiratorial rants of the ex-lover who oversees the Texas stranding volunteers. Enlisting the help of her South African beau, Dr. Clarke must manipulate a sympathetic Navy SEAL commander, accept the innocent insight of a 12-year old boy and rely on the genius of a washed-out MIT grad student, to save a charismatic species loved for its built-in smile.

The older version is on my The Built-in Smilepage on this blog. If you have an opinion, let me know which one you like better–let me know which one makes you want to really read the novel.

~ by kipwkoelsch on April 13, 2009.

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